Telkomsel Halo: Goodbye!?

Berapa sih sebetulnya, tarif yang layak untuk berlangganan ponsel? Berdasarkan iklan yang bertubi-tubi di media, kelihatannya TELKOMSEL HALO merupakan yang paling mahal (tapi paling handal)!

Saat ini, HP yang menggunakan operator "laen", cukup dengan PRA-BAYAR Rp. 25.000 per bulan! Tapi sialnya, kiriman dan terimaan SMS dari operator "laen" sering menghilang secara misterius... Belum lagi SPAM iklan "laen" yang bertubi-tubi.

 

Pada awalnya, saya berlangganan paket HALO Free 150 SMS dengan abonemen Rp. 45000 per bulan. Namun, saat tarif SMS turun dari Rp. 300, rupanya tidak ada penyesuaian paket! TELKOMSEL HALO secara sah dan sengaja memang membiarkan hal ini! Kelicikan ini sepertinya digunakan untuk membayar bonus para cukong Singapura pemilik TELKOMSEL, kale? Jadi, bagi yang masih berlangganan paket-paket jadul HALO, sebaiknya pindah ke paket HALO HYBRID.

Keserakahan TELKOMSEL HALO tidak berhenti di situ! Pada tanggal 4 Juli 2010, TELKOMSEL 1212 mengirim pesan SMS sebagai berikut: 

"PESTA BOLA Pada 5 Juli 2010 Anda OTOMATIS menerima NSP Ayo Semangat-The Changcuters. GRATIS 7 hr lalu Rp.3rb/2mggu lalu Rp3rb/mggu. Utk menolak, ketik NO sms ke 1212." 

Namun, untuk mengirim "NO", saya terpaksa dan TIDAK IKHLAS membayar biaya SMS sebesar Rp. 149!

Balasan dari SMS "NO" tersebut sebagai berikut:

"Terimakasih, Anda tidak akan menerima NSP promo. Untuk NSP lainnya, hubungi *121#"

BREAKING NEWS

Entah mengapa, sore ini, 5 Juli 2010 jam 19:12 menerima SMS berikut: 

"Terimakasih atas konfirmasi Anda untuk tidak menerima promo NSP PESTABOLA. Biaya pengiriman sms ke 1212 akan dikembalikan kpd Anda. Unt NSP lainnya, hubungi *121#" 

He... he... he... disangkanya, dengan mengirim SMS tersebut, persoalan selesai?! Dasar licik; kita lihat saja nanti di akhirat!

Gr... TELKOMSEL tidak habis-habisnya membuat jengkel! 

Barusan (8 Juli 2010 18:34) mendapatkan SMS:

"Pelanggan KartuHALO, Anda mendapat bonus Double TELKOMSELpoin berdasarkan poin dari pemakaian bulan Juni. Segera Cek Poin Anda, ketik POIN sms ke 777".

Sialan benar, tanpa malu mencoba merampok via 777!

God Bless Ahmad Albar, A.K.A. Ucok Harahap, Genesis Phil Collins.

DISCLAIMER

This is HOW Me Do IT! Grrr... this blog memo is mainly written for OWN PURPOSES. This post is based on "Google Here, There, and Everywhere". Whether this is PLAGIARY or RESEARCH, there has never been a claim that this is an original work, nor is it necessarily the best solution, and not for Scopus consumption :). Please provide feedback, especially if you have alternative explanations. Hopefully, this note will be helpful in the future when you have forgotten how to solve this trivia problem.

DISKLAIMER

INIlah yang KUlakukan! Grrr... memo blog ini terutama ditulis untuk KEPERLUAN SENDIRI. Tulisan ini berbasis "Google Sana, Google Sini, Coba Itu, Coba Ini, Lalu Tanya-tanyi". Entah ini PLAGIAT, entah ini RISET, yang jelas tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa ini merupakan karya asli, serta belum tentu pula merupakan solusi terbaik, serta bukan untuk konsumsi Scopus :). Mohon kiranya memberikan tanggapan, terutama jika memiliki solusi alternatif. Semoga catatan ini akan bermanfaat di masa mendatang, saat sudah lupa cara menyelesaikan masalah trivia ini.

This is the Way!

--- Rahmat M. Samik-Ibrahim
--- --- --- revisi 05--23-Dec-2022

Kiat (Pribadi) Melawan Gejala Flu

Tulisan berikut ini sekedar pengalaman pribadi melawan gejala flu. Kiat ini BELUM pernah dibuktikan secara ilmiah, sehingga hanya merupakan sekedar bahan pertimbangan masing-masing saat mempersiapkan perlawanan terhadap gejala flu.

Perlu ditekankan bahwa yang akan diatasi ialah gejala flu, yaitu saat kita mulai merasa tidak enak badan. Jadi, bukan setelah flu secara penuh menyerang kondisi kita. Gejala flu biasanya berupa kondisi tidak enak badan. Dalam keadaan tidak enak badan, hindari penggunaan obat penghilang rasa sakit seperti paracetamol, aspirin, naproxen secara berlebihan. Sesuai namanya, obat penghilang rasa sakit akan menghilangkan rasa sakit, namun tidak akan menyembuhkan gejala flu! Hati-hati: obat-obat yang dikenal sebagai penyembuh flu, biasanya hanya merupakan penghilang rasa sakit. Penggunaan penghilang rasa sakit secara berlebihan, hanya akan menyebabkan kita kebal terhadap rasa sakit!

Kiat yang tepat untuk melawan flu ialah menjaga kondisi dengan istirahat dan gizi yang cukup, terutama vitamin B kompleks dan vitamin C. Kemampuan tubuh untuk menyerap vitamin sangat terbatas. Umpamanya, vitamin C hanya diserap sekitar 3 mg per jam. Penggunaan vitamin B dan C dengan dosis tinggi hanya akan mubazir jika ditelan sekali gus. Upayakan vitamin tersebut digunakan dalam dosis lebih rendah namun secara berkesinambungan.

Begitulah sekedar informasi kiat melawan flu. Syarat dan ketentuan berlaku: hubungi dokter jika gejala flu tidak mau reda. Terakhir: kiat ini untuk mengatasi flu manusia, dan bukan untuk flu babi dan flu ayam.

Semoga 2014 lebih baik... (tidak juga).
Semoga 2019 lebih baik... (tidak juga).
Semoga 2024 lebih baik? Duh!

DISCLAIMER

This is HOW Me Do IT! Grrr... this blog memo is mainly written for OWN PURPOSES. This post is based on "Google Here, There, and Everywhere". Whether this is PLAGIARY or RESEARCH, there has never been a claim that this is an original work, nor is it necessarily the best solution, and not for Scopus consumption :). Please provide feedback, especially if you have alternative explanations. Hopefully, this note will be helpful in the future when you have forgotten how to solve this trivia problem.

DISKLAIMER

INIlah yang KUlakukan! Grrr... memo blog ini terutama ditulis untuk KEPERLUAN SENDIRI. Tulisan ini berbasis "Google Sana, Google Sini, Coba Itu, Coba Ini, Lalu Tanya-tanyi". Entah ini PLAGIAT, entah ini RISET, yang jelas tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa ini merupakan karya asli, serta belum tentu pula merupakan solusi terbaik, serta bukan untuk konsumsi Scopus :). Mohon kiranya memberikan tanggapan, terutama jika memiliki solusi alternatif. Semoga catatan ini akan bermanfaat di masa mendatang, saat sudah lupa cara menyelesaikan masalah trivia ini.

This is the Way!

--- Rahmat M. Samik-Ibrahim
--- --- --- revisi 05--23-Dec-2022

Michael Jackson: Come Softly To Me

Dooby do, damn damn, dumb de dumb de dumb...
Dooby do, damn damn, dumb de dumb de dumb...

Entah mengapa, saya sering membayangkan lagu ini dinyanyikan bersama oleh Michael Jackson, Shakira, dan Cindy Lauper. Sayang, keduluan MJ tiada... Inilah tampilan the Fleedwoods (bukan Fleedwoods Mac!), dulu dan beberapa waktu yang lalu...

Dooby do, damn damn, dumb de dumb de dumb...

Dooby do, damn damn, dumb de dumb de dumb...

DISCLAIMER

This is HOW Me Do IT! Grrr... this blog memo is mainly written for OWN PURPOSES. This post is based on "Google Here, There, and Everywhere". Whether this is PLAGIARY or RESEARCH, there has never been a claim that this is an original work, nor is it necessarily the best solution, and not for Scopus consumption :). Please provide feedback, especially if you have alternative explanations. Hopefully, this note will be helpful in the future when you have forgotten how to solve this trivia problem.

DISKLAIMER

INIlah yang KUlakukan! Grrr... memo blog ini terutama ditulis untuk KEPERLUAN SENDIRI. Tulisan ini berbasis "Google Sana, Google Sini, Coba Itu, Coba Ini, Lalu Tanya-tanyi". Entah ini PLAGIAT, entah ini RISET, yang jelas tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa ini merupakan karya asli, serta belum tentu pula merupakan solusi terbaik, serta bukan untuk konsumsi Scopus :). Mohon kiranya memberikan tanggapan, terutama jika memiliki solusi alternatif. Semoga catatan ini akan bermanfaat di masa mendatang, saat sudah lupa cara menyelesaikan masalah trivia ini.

This is the Way!

--- Rahmat M. Samik-Ibrahim
--- --- --- revisi 02--23-Dec-2022

I saw IT in the MIRROR

I saw IT in the MIRROR,

I saw IT in my FACEBOOK,
THAT I AM NO LONGER NEEDED,
anyone can take my place

I saw IT in the MIRROR,
When I am look into my eyes
Cause something sure is wrong
When this boy cries...

DISCLAIMER

This is HOW Me Do IT! Grrr... this blog memo is mainly written for OWN PURPOSES. This post is based on "Google Here, There, and Everywhere". Whether this is PLAGIARY or RESEARCH, there has never been a claim that this is an original work, nor is it necessarily the best solution, and not for Scopus consumption :). Please provide feedback, especially if you have alternative explanations. Hopefully, this note will be helpful in the future when you have forgotten how to solve this trivia problem.

DISKLAIMER

INIlah yang KUlakukan! Grrr... memo blog ini terutama ditulis untuk KEPERLUAN SENDIRI. Tulisan ini berbasis "Google Sana, Google Sini, Coba Itu, Coba Ini, Lalu Tanya-tanyi". Entah ini PLAGIAT, entah ini RISET, yang jelas tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa ini merupakan karya asli, serta belum tentu pula merupakan solusi terbaik, serta bukan untuk konsumsi Scopus :). Mohon kiranya memberikan tanggapan, terutama jika memiliki solusi alternatif. Semoga catatan ini akan bermanfaat di masa mendatang, saat sudah lupa cara menyelesaikan masalah trivia ini.

This is the Way!

--- Rahmat M. Samik-Ibrahim
--- --- --- revisi 02--23-Dec-2022

The Classical Customer Service Memorandum (rec.humor)

Please stop submitting complaints. This is our system. We designed it, we built it, and we use it more than you do. If there are some features you think might be missing, if the system isn't as effective as you think it could be, TOUGH! Give it back, we don't need you. See figure 1.

FIGURE 1.

Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the features of your computer system.

OPTIONS

We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you would need two strong people to carry around the documentation if we had bothered to write it. So many that even we don't know what most of them do. Don't ask us for any of these options, because we probably can't find the solution for it anyway. Even if we find one, we probably can't order it either. If you don't like it, call Technologies. They'll tell you to see Figure 1.

HOT LINES

If you need technical help, call our hot line. You say that the guy at the other end doesn't know any more than you do? Too bad. If we could afford to pay qualified people to answer the phones, we'd be paying them to make our systems work in the first place. Besides, you don't ever need to do anything sophisticated anyway. If you do, see Figure 1.

INTEGRATED VOICE AND DATA

What the hell is integrated voice and data? All it means is that you can talk on the phone while you are typing on your terminal. So what if the terminal and the phone aren't integrated; that's not what we advertise. Besides, you probably can't even walk and chew gum at the same time, much less talk and type. If you can, see Figure 1.

GNU/LINUX

We invented it; it's perfect, and we're the only ones who do it right. We're so happy with it, we put it on every kind of computer we make. We even try to keep it the same from release to release, but usually we blow it. If you want a computer with stable file systems, get a Mac. Another thing: those nerds from Redmond are just trouble making hackers who have a productivity complex. They imitated our operating system and made it useful, so we told them to see Figure 1.


APPLICATION SOFTWARE

We give you OpenOffice; what else do you want? So what if it is a clumsy port from another operating system, it works doesn't it? Well, OK, it sort of works. If you want applications software, get an Netbook. You can get lots of it and they even support it sometimes. If you already bought one of our computers and are unsatisfied, you're stuck with it. We spoke with our applications software people about this, and they think a lot like we do; they said "see Figure 1."

SHELLS

We have two shells; one we sell and one we use. The Bourne again shell is plenty good for trivial little hacks, which is all you do anyway. Don't ask for X11 either. It's great, everybody here has a copy, but we won't install it to you. Besides, if you want to do anything important, write it in C. We told our shell programmers to see Figure 1 a long time ago.

The C PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE

We like it so much we named a book after it. You can do anything our machines can do, which is not very much. Where else can you put so much unreadable code in such a small space? Besides, you probably should be programming in the shell anyway; C is too hard for you. We told our C programmers to see Figure 1 a long time ago anyway.

FLOATING POINT HARDWARE

We have the Math Accelerator Unit, one of the fastest chips around. It's so special that you need a special compiler to use it. Nobody knows how to get you a copy of the compiler? That's right. We don't release it because we are writing another one. When it's ready, we might give it to you, but probably not. In the meantime, you have to stick with the interpreter, live with the slowness, and see Figure 1.

SUPPORT

We have thousands of service people out there, but most of them are busy. If your computer breaks, you will just have to wait. Don't expect our techs to be very helpful unless it involves tip and ring. Oh, if something breaks between 17:00 and 9:00 the next morning, don't waste your time calling us, we're out. We also take lots of lunch breaks. If you need real support, see Figure 1.

In conclusion, stuff your complaint. Love your computer or leave it, but don't bitch to us. We don't give a shit. We don't have to!

(adapted from usenet:rec.humor; the picture is GFDL)

DISCLAIMER

This is HOW Me Do IT! Grrr... this blog memo is mainly written for OWN PURPOSES. This post is based on "Google Here, There, and Everywhere". Whether this is PLAGIARY or RESEARCH, there has never been a claim that this is an original work, nor is it necessarily the best solution, and not for Scopus consumption :). Please provide feedback, especially if you have alternative explanations. Hopefully, this note will be helpful in the future when you have forgotten how to solve this trivia problem.

DISKLAIMER

INIlah yang KUlakukan! Grrr... memo blog ini terutama ditulis untuk KEPERLUAN SENDIRI. Tulisan ini berbasis "Google Sana, Google Sini, Coba Itu, Coba Ini, Lalu Tanya-tanyi". Entah ini PLAGIAT, entah ini RISET, yang jelas tidak pernah ada klaim bahwa ini merupakan karya asli, serta belum tentu pula merupakan solusi terbaik, serta bukan untuk konsumsi Scopus :). Mohon kiranya memberikan tanggapan, terutama jika memiliki solusi alternatif. Semoga catatan ini akan bermanfaat di masa mendatang, saat sudah lupa cara menyelesaikan masalah trivia ini.

This is the Way!

--- Rahmat M. Samik-Ibrahim
--- --- --- revisi 02--23-Dec-2022